Dear Meghan Emily Murphy,

I perceive that you are allowing aggressive forces to overshadow your light.

I’m talking about this comment you made (1):
“If you’re not a creep, there are plenty of ‘sex parties’ that take great care to keep things safe where you can watch other couples having sex, who want to be watched having sex. What porn users want is control, and, clearly to watch women being objectified and degraded. They don’t want to just watch real life people having real life sex, who are having genuine pleasure and genuinely enjoy being watched sometimes, by non-misogynist non-creeps.”

Meghan, you’ve attracted an ardent following, I think partially because you bravely shine your light into a dark world, regardless of the hatred that it hurls back at you. But you could be shining much brighter.

May I please expand on these thoughts?

I would like to try to begin on common ground. Here is a Biblical takedown of that “industry in which women are called ‘bitches’ and ‘sluts’ and ritually pummeled for men’s entertainment” (2).

That time when Jesus put the smack-down on the male gaze

I agree with Rose Meltzer. Pornography is a “sinkhole of abuse, exploitation and misogyny.” (3)

I define pornography as the creation of sexually explicit videos and photos of yourself and others for the entertainment of friends or strangers.

I believe that porn is evil because my Lord Jesus Christ says it is evil:

In one simple statement, Jesus places sexual fantasies, not just sexual activity, within the bounds of holy matrimony. Porn is evil!

And that was one of the best things that ever happened to me

I am a socially awkward math geek. Talking to girls was difficult for me, especially as a teenager. I spent many Friday nights in college playing online chess with people I never met.

What’s my point? If not for my Christian upbringing, I would be a sitting duck for porn and masturbation! This two-headed beast requires no social skills! No compromises! No awkward conversations with single women! No chance of rejection! And it provides instant gratification.

But I was taught better than that. It’s not just sexual intercourse that is limited to the marriage relationship; it’s all my sexual energy!

[1Co 7:9 KJV] 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Don’t get me wrong; I believe there are many good reasons to get married. But one of them is that it is the Biblical outlet for a man’s or a woman’s sexual energy. Is a man or woman “burning” with sexual desire? Then marriage is a far, far better choice than porn and masturbation!

Yup, I could have sat alone in my apartment and indulged myself. Instead, I introduced myself to my wife in the hallway at work…because I had the Light to guide me.

On the importance of being ravished

I know this all might sound crazy and/or regressive. But I’ve tried it, and I want to tell you how it’s worked out for me.

Namely: Why am I still excited to look at my wife after 13 years of marriage? Why do I appreciate her beauty so much? One reason is because Jesus, the One who loves me enough to die for me, says my wife is the only woman I should be looking at. And Proverbs 5:19 says that I should be “ravished always with her love.”

So, I make a point of always being ravished with her love. I figure out ways to do that. And this approach protects me from our pornified, hypersexualized culture, a culture that would deceptively lead me down a path of ruin and misery.

Honest to God, Meghan….I tried the Jesus way, and it has benefited my life, and my wife’s life, and the lives of my children, in a significant way.

Death first

OK, so I’ve probably begged the question….since all marriages struggle from time to time, and sex drives can wax and wane, what is a Christian husband to do if for some reason she decides to stop having sex with him??

Leave her?

Threaten to leave her?

Beat her?

Threaten to beat her?

Scream at her?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely not!

[Eph 5:25 KJV] 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

[Phl 2:8 KJV] 8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

So, although the Bible does say that husbands and wives should give each other sex (I Corinthians 7:3), the two verses above say that death should be more preferable to a husband than breaking his marriage vows. But I’m not talking about suicide or murder or anything like that.

Let me explain it this way: What if a starving husband points to this webmd article (4) and says that her refusal is going to contribute to problems in his immune system, his blood pressure, his heart attack risk, his prostate cancer risk, and his stress and anxiety? What if he argues that she’s lowering his life expectancy by starving him of sexual activity? What if he argues that he is justified in leaving her, under those circumstances?

I’ve never heard a man make an argument like this, but I have heard a man justify divorce because she stopped having sex with him. And I have heard people in troubled (with no physical attacks or threats involved) marriages justify divorce by saying something like “God doesn’t want me to die from stress”. So I’m confronting this case head-on, and giving the starving husband his day in court, even considering the exaggerated possibility that she’s slowly killing him through her refusal.

The starved husband should try everything he can to identify and address the deeper issue that interrupted their love life. Unconditional love, prayer, marital counseling, etc. can be part of the resolution. However: If her refusal continues no matter what he does, the Christian thing to do is to say: “Regardless of whether you resume having sex with me or not, I am committed to this marriage, and I am committed to you, and I will stay with you whether it slowly kills me or not.” That is a death with honor. That is a Christlike death. And it should be the Christian husband’s approach to marriage.

Common ground, the lightning round

Yes, I know that you and the other writers at Feminist Current disagree with me on many, many things. And we can talk about those. But, for now, check out these juxtapositions that show some additional issues we agree on.

On the transgender movement:

Meghan Murphy: “Women aren’t men” (5)

[Mar 10:6 KJV] 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

On the idea that you can be happy without a wedding and marriage:

Susan Cox: “Weddings are overrated“ (6)

[1Co 7:1 KJV] 1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman.

[1Co 7:40 KJV] 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

I WILL NOW ASK YOU TO RECONSIDER SOME THINGS…

“Human dignity?” Yes!! Let’s talk about human dignity

This is Rose Meltzer on the importance of rejecting porn for the dehumanizing monster that it is:

“There is no shame in demonstrating your humanity. Too much human dignity hangs in the balance.” (3)

I’m going to assume that you, Meghan, agree with this sentiment, but correct me if I am wrong.

So, taking the extremely important concept of human dignity into account, how is it that you can so easily dismantle the pro-porn arguments and the “I feel like a woman, so let me compete in the women’s league” arguments, but you struggle when it comes to sex parties?

How can you be so clear-thinking when it comes to porn…

“…what individuals ‘like’ doesn’t mean squat, in terms of our analysis. Individuals ‘like’ all sorts of stupid and horrible things! Rape, for example, torturing animals… Also profit — they really ‘like’ that… What else… Oh! People really seem to ‘like’ pretending their choices and preferences exist inside a little bubble and ignoring the way said choices and preferences might affect other people” (3)

…and yet when it comes to sex parties, you say you are “glad that some women are feeling like they can explore their sexualities safely.” (1)?

Darkness vs. Light 

I contend that your struggle with sex parties is partially due to the fact that “human dignity” is an incomplete foundation for ethics. Your intelligence is an incomplete foundation for ethics. Even your conscience is an incomplete foundation for ethics.

All of those things, as important as they are, are incomplete because they are under constant attack from the darkness of this world. And the personal struggle you experience over sex parties and various other issues? That is a manifestation of your inner light pushing back against the darkness; but that inner light is not always strong enough on its own (more on that later).

Have you ever noticed that most people, including you and me, are a mixture of darkness and light?

How did we get like this?

Could it be that you are a daughter of light?

This will probably sound different than most gospel/salvation discussions that invoke the name of Jesus Christ; but, hey, you’ve been kicked off of Twitter for speaking unpopular truths. So, maybe you will give me a chance to briefly summarize the minority views about the Bible that I and my church hold to.

I’ve written 22 blog posts about this topic (See (7) for Cliff’s notes and (8) for a more detailed treatment), but I’ll just mention one verse right now:

[2Co 4:6 KJV] 6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to [give] the LIGHT of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

This is the scenario that I’m asking you to consider: In the same way that God created light in the beginning of time, without asking for the light’s permission or approval, God has shined in your (Meghan’s) heart. This is something He does to all His children at some point in their lives…without asking for their permission or approval. The reason it is without their permission is because if He requested permission to shine His light into their hearts of utter darkness, the response would be a hateful “No!!!”

As someone whose heart has been illuminated by the light, you are a child of God. You are already going to heaven (and this is why you will not find any heaven-or-hell altar calls on my website). And, when you stand against the foolishness of porn-apologists and transgender ideology, you are reflecting the light that has shined into your heart.

Could it be that you are a daughter of light?

Let’s examine the evidence

I noticed that your past comments about pornography exhibit an interest in universal truths. Much like a scientist seeking to identify and describe the physical laws that govern the natural world, you seek ethics that are based on a set of clearly identified principles. “If it feels good, do it” does not cut it for you.

As we revisit your comments, ask yourself: “Is my stalwart, universal, systematic and bold opposition to pornography founded merely on feminist theories and my own observations? Or is there something deeper going on here? Am I so confident in rejecting the ‘I like it, so it’s OK’ philosophy just because I’m an expert in  feminist theory, or is it, at a deeper level, because I KNOW in the core of my being that pornography is wrong?”

Wouldn’t your theories about pornography, which you apply in a universal fashion (regardless of whether someone claims to enjoy something or not), make more sense if they were understood to originate in the mind of the Creator of the universe?

Wouldn’t that make more sense than believing that we are all just random stardust that came from who-knows-where that turned into single-celled organisms that turned into apes that turned into people who are constantly evolving and therefore have vestigial organs and vestigial instincts and should never watch porn because it’s unethical?

With those questions in mind, here are some of your past comments (3) about pornography:

“…what individuals ‘like’ doesn’t mean squat, in terms of our analysis. Individuals ‘like’ all sorts of stupid and horrible things! Rape, for example, torturing animals… Also profit — they really ‘like’ that… What else… Oh! People really seem to ‘like’ pretending their choices and preferences exist inside a little bubble and ignoring the way said choices and preferences might affect other people”

“Problem is, your personal experience does not change the reality of the larger system.”

“You aren’t getting it. Whether or not some individual women enjoy porn is irrelevant.”

“‘Ethical porn’ will not redeem the porn industry. 1) That’s not how capitalism works, 2) Men don’t produce or watch ‘ethical porn.'”

“It’s not *really* ‘up to individuals’ though… All of the choices we make are impacted by the world we live in and the ‘choices’ available to us and pushed on us.”

“What you are ‘attracted to’ is socialized. Just because a person ‘likes’ something (porn, in this case), doesn’t make that thing ‘good,‘ ‘healthy’, ethical, or otherwise uncritiqueable.”

“Feminist critiques with regard to sexuality do not function on an individual to individual basis, they look at society and systems of power and patterns more broadly.”

“Pretty much all men love to hear that porn liberates “women’s sexualities”and other such nonsense.”   (Sidenote: Yes, but why stop there? Surely you are aware that men also love to hear that women’s sexualities are liberated by sex parties; one-night stands; friends with benefits; sex between a man and a woman who are emotionally connected in a long term relationship; and all other forms of sexual activity that do not require a man to stand up in front of his close friends and family and promise lifelong commitment to one woman.)

Meghan….what if the universal truths you are speaking were first spoken into you by the Prime Mover?

A knife is good, but a sword is better

Let us continue with the assumption that you are a daughter of light. So, why would I claim that your inner light and your reasoning capabilities are not enough?

It is because your own darkness, and the darkness of this world, are warring against your inner light.

And when you are in combat, when you are at war, when your back is up against the wall, you’re going to want to use every available weapon, Meghan.

This isn’t just a polite academic discussion, as I think you are well aware. There is massive hostility involved; this is a war. This is a battle over your heart and your mind, and the minds and hearts of everyone around us.

By God, you are a great knife fighter, Meghan.

I, and my brothers and sisters in Christ, would love to see what you could do with a sword.

Suiting up

I think some examples of specific behaviors will help flesh out what I am saying.

When it comes to child rape, your conscience is a sufficient weapon; you don’t need to come up with any clever arguments against child rape, and you don’t need the Bible, and you don’t need research. People will just agree with you; child rape is evil, and should always be against the law. In other words, we have such a strong, visceral reaction against child rape that the darkness quickly flees away.

Pornography is different because it more closely aligns with the desires that many men harbor. So many times, a man’s conscience and a man’s intellect are overwhelmed by the tenacious tug of porn culture, to the point that he will openly argue that there is nothing inherently wrong with pornography. However, you (Meghan) have taken a pretty strong stand against pornography.  Without any appeal to the Bible, your conscience and your intellect have kept the darkness at bay.

But when it comes to sex parties, your conscience and your intellect seem to have been backed into a corner. Yes, you don’t go to them, and yes, you express skepticism about them. But you are “glad that some women are feeling like they can explore their sexualities safely.” This is where the darkness has gained an advantage over you, and this is one place where the Bible could really come in handy!

With the Bible as my foundation, I know the right answer to many critically important questions of morality. With my critical thinking skills, and my life experience, and prayer, I can see more clearly (and explain to others more clearly) why that is the right answer.

[Mat 22:37 KJV] 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy MIND.

Meghan….there is a place for you in the body of Christ.

Stop hiding your light; lift it up high

There is light within you. Even when you talk about sex parties, I can see a glimmer:
“I’ve never been and never would go — I have zero interest in watching other people have sex.” (1)

This is good. This is the light inside of you. But you’ve let the darkness creep in. You seem to place sex parties on the same level as, say, skydiving; probably nothing fundamentally wrong it, but it’s not for you.

You fearlessly condemn porn, even if people call you a prude. But do you wonder if applying the same clear-headed logic to sex parties would be taking it just a little too far? Do you worry that those charges of “prude” might actually be justified if you went so far as to say, regarding pornography and sex parties, “what individuals ‘like’ doesn’t mean squat”?

When you say you are “glad that some women are feeling like they can explore their sexualities safely”, the darkness is extending its evil tendrils around your light.

Cutting through

You can cut through those tendrils with the Bible, Meghan. If all you have is your intellect, if all you have is your conscience, you are more susceptible to the invading darkness.

Cut through the darkness of sex parties with these verses, which put lovemaking in the context of mutual possession of two people (not 3+ people, and not on a temporary basis, and oh BTW not a one-sided chauvinistic possession!):

[Sng 6:3 KJV] 3 I [am] my beloved’s, and my beloved [is] mine: he feedeth among the lilies.

[Sng 6:9a KJV] 9a My dove, my undefiled is [but] ONE; she [is] the [only] ONE of her mother, she [is] the choice [ONE] of her that bare her.

Banish the darkness of sex parties from your mind with this verse, which lumps “chambering” (casual sex) into the same category as strife and envying:

[Rom 13:13 KJV] 13 Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.

And I’m not recommending that you gather up a bunch of verses and blast people with them, with no discussion or reasoning attached. What I’m recommending is that, by tapping into Biblical wisdom, you get this matter of sex parties straight within your own thinking. That way, you can engage people on this topic in a more beneficial way….even if you do not use Bible quotes as the centerpiece of your discussion.

With great power…

You are not interested in sex parties…and therefore, you might think this is much ado about nothing.

Well, I disagree.

You have a popular website. You’re a fierce debater. You have a loyal following. You have a circle of personal friends. So, this isn’t just about what you do in your free time.

This is also about what people within your sphere of influence do. Yes, I know you are not a cult leader, and people can think for themselves. But you do have influence over people. You do have some power.

And we all know what Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker about power 🙂

The darkness will find a way

I’ve only brought up one issue where I think the darkness has dimmed your light. Even if you develop a more firm position on sex parties, you will still be vulnerable to the darkness in other ways.

That is why, again, I am recommending the Bible to you as your foundation for morality.

The Bible is a sword of light against the slithering darkness. I hope you gain an appreciation for its razor sharp edges.

All the other questions

This post was not meant to prove that the Bible is true. I think the closest this post got to proving the Bible was when I considered various explanations for why you are so adamant and universal in your opposition to the sick, evil, degrading racket known as pornography. What is the most fundamental source of your adamant opposition?

In any case, proving the Bible was not the point of this post. My hope was for you to see the importance of digging into the Bible. The importance of investigating its claims to be the inspired word of God. The importance of researching the topic of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The importance of giving Christianity a first or second look. That was my point.

I know there are verses in the Bible that can sound misogynistic, and I am happy to talk about those with you, even if I can’t promise a slam dunk answer for all of them. I’ll say one thing about the Old Testament right now: I’d rather have a worldview that allows me to vigorously confront the salient issues of 2019, even though it raises difficult questions about the meaning/purpose of some of the Mosaic law, than a worldview that exempts me from grappling with the Mosaic law but is weak sauce on a wimpy roll when I am trying to deal with the pressing moral questions of 2019.

Above all

Please know that I am not telling you to do, say, or believe anything for the purpose of escaping from hell. Like I said earlier, God handles that part just fine. When He said “It is finished”, he meant it.

Also, please know that I am not merely proposing a better foundation for morality to you.

I’m using these specific questions of morality to try to build a bridge to you, but what my Father really wants is…to hear from His daughter Meghan.

In other, finer words:

[Mat 11:28-30 KJV] 28 Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

Links:

(1) Meghan Murphy on sex parties (see comment section)

(2) Sarah Ditum on pornography 

(3) Rose Meltzer on pornography

(4) WebMD on benefits of sex

(5) Meghan Murphy on transgenderism

(6) Susan Cox on staying single

(7) Cliff’s notes regarding salvation

(8) Detailed discussion of salvation